Rewriting example.

Example taken from a paper submitted for Japanese History through Sight and Sound

Original passage:

."..Finally one of Miyazake's favorite groups of characters to use is spirits, not just spirits but natural spirits.  These spirits are by all apperances spirits from Shinto practices; of course Shinto (local or state) is something which once again is uniquely Japanese.  These spirits appear throughout his work and I feel that not only does it add an air of mysticism to the plot and allow a certain potential for plot threads that would not otherwise exist, but also is part of this yearning for a simpler time.  I say this merely because simply by acknowledging the existence of spirits and gods in everyday life it removes the need for examination of the natural world and provides convenient explanation for every day occurrences."

Orr version:

These spirits appear throughout his work.  Not only do they add an air of mysticism to the plot and a certain potential for plot threads that would not otherwise exist, they also suggest/convey a yearning for a simpler time.  Simply by acknowledging the existence of spirits and gods in everyday life it removes the need for examination of the natural world and provides a convenient explanation for every day occurrences.